Happy Christmas to all. As we all know on 25th December Christianity commemorate the birth of Jesus. Our team has collected a huge collection of Christmas Jokes for our valuable users to keep them smiling on this great occassion, You can use these Jokes as Christmas SMS also to wish your loved once via text messages. Enjoy your stay here and have fun!
Sister Mary Margaret enters O ‘Flynn’s liquor shop.
“I’d like to buy a bottle of Irish whiskey”, she tells O ‘Flynn.
The owner of the store shakes his head and frowns.
“A bottle of Irish whiskey? And you being a nun too.”
“Oh no, no,” Sister Mary Margaret exclaims. “It’s for Father Reilly.
His constipation, you know.”
O’Flynn smiles, nods, and puts a bottle into a bag.
Sister Mary Margaret pays, takes the bag and goes on her way.
Later that day, O’Flynn closes shop for the day.
On his way home he passes an alley. There in the alley is Sister Mary Margaret.
She’s rip roaring drunk, the empty bottle at her side.
“Sister!” O’Flynn scolds.
“And you said it was for Father Reilly’s constipation.”
“It is,” answers Sister Mary Margaret.
“When he sees me, he’s gonna shit!”
A woman walks into a bar already wasted. She goes up to the bar and says,”Beer tender
“Agent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn’t
back off he asked her name.
“Carmen,” she replied.
That’s a nice name,” he said warming up the conversation,
“Who named you, your mother?”
“No, I named myself, she answered.
“Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?”
“Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your
name?” she asked.
“Beersex.”
The word morning originally referred to the sunrise. Morning precedes midday, afternoon, and night in the sequence of a day.
Dawn is that instant of time of your day while you sense completely tranquil and revitalized. Subsequent to all the tough labour of yesterday former times your body had the needs rest and at the moment you are prepared for the subsequently day’s crush.
Every morning is beautiful with the new dawn arising, sun shining overhead, birds chirping, and a new hope wandering in your heart. It is truly believed that every new day brings in new hope, new dreams, and a new way of life. As we comes back to life after spending long hours in the dreamland, our soul becomes energetic as we get a brand new chance to live our life and fulfill our dreams. read more »
3 backpackers, an Englishman,a Welshman and an Irishman walked into a bar in Sydney.The trio walk
up to bar,the bartender leans over.He says “I DON’T WANT ANY FIGHTS!If you start any
Newly issued alcohol warnings The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be
placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or
two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a
buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over
again until your friends want to assault you.
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
An American walks into an Irish pub and says, “I’ll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10
Guinness’s in 10 minutes.”
Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations.
One guy even leaves the bar. A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, “Is
that bet still on?”
“Sure.”
So the bartender lines 10 Guinness’s up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10
minutes.
As the American hands over the money he asks, “Where did you go when you left?”
The Irishman answers, “I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it.”
Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her
birthday – she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m
stumped.”
His buddy said, “I have an idea – why don’t you make up a certificate saying she can have 60
minutes of great sex, any way she wants it – she’ll probably be thrilled.”
So the that’s what Joe did.
The next day at the bar his buddy said, “Well? Did you take my suggestion?”
“Yes, I did,” said Joe.
“Did she like it?” His buddy asked.
“Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling
“I’ll be back in an hour!!”
One day after a long days work a man walks into a bar. He realizes that it’s a gay bar, but
decided to stay anyway. The bartender approaches and says what’s the name of your penis. The man
replies, “I’m not like that, I just want a drink,” The bartender says, “I can’t serve you until
you give the name of your penis. For example the name of my penis is Nike, for the slogan just do
it. I’ll come back in a few minutes.” So the man thinks and turns to the man on his left and asks
him the name of his penis. The man replies, “It’s Timex, it takes a licking and keeps on
ticking.” The man then turns to his right and asks him. He replies “It’s Ford. Have you driven a
ford lately?” The man thinks and then calls the bartender over. “I got a name, it’s Secret” Why
is it secret, asked the bartender? The man says “it’s strong enough for a man but made for a
woman”
The following is an actual excerpt from this month’s Forbe’s Magazine:
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it
is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good
for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even
improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through
which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive
intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
Thus, regular consumption of beer, wine etc., helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making
the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and
validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also
explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most
professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick
to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels
that they achieve during their college years.
So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, we cannot shudder in
our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Your company and country need you to be at
your peak, and you shouldn’t deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the
bottle and be all that you can be. Forward this to all of your friends, acquaintances and
co-workers that may be in danger of losing their edge.