 Loading ... Moshe was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. His own car was off the road being serviced.
‘Sure,’ said Morry, ‘I’ll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside.’
As they’re driving along, Moshe says, ‘Morry, what’s that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?’
‘That’s my digital clock.’
A few minutes later, Moshe asks, ‘And what’s that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?’
‘That’s my tachometer,’ says Morry.
Then a few minutes after that, Moshe starts to ask, ‘But what’s that….’
‘Hold on a minute, Moshe,’ says Morry, ‘I can see you’ve never been in a Rolls Royce before.’
‘Never in the front seat.’ says Moshe.
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Loading ... Several centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked an elderly aged man named Moishe to represent them. Rabbi Moishe‘s Latin wasn‘t very good - in fact, he knew very little–but he was a man of great faith and well respected in the Jewish community. The pope agreed. What could be easier than a silent debate?
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, “I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay.“
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?“
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. “What happened?“ they asked. “Well,“ said Moishe, “First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here.“ “And then?“ asked a woman. “I don‘t know,“ said Moishe. “He took out his lunch and I took out mine.“
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Loading ... One day, the wise men of Chelm decide to start making their own beer.
After months of experimentation with different recipes, they still can’t agree which is the best formula. They deliberate for weeks, with no resolution. Finally they leave the decision to the Rabbi.
The Rabbi decides which one is their very best beer and the Chelmites ship a sample off to Warsaw for certification.
Two weeks later they get a telegram: “Your horse has diabetes.”
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Loading ... Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the Star of David but drop money in the other guy’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the guy with the Star of David and says, “Don’t you realize that this is a Christian country? You’ll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David.”
The guy holding the Star of David then turns to the guy holding the Cross and says, “Hymie, look who’s trying to teach us Marketing.”
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