Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar. The first one says, “Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn’t bend it with both hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. “By the time I was 50, [...]

“My god! What happened to you?” the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. “I got in a tiff with Riley.” “Riley? He’s just a wee fellow,” the barkeep said, surprised. “He must have had something in his hand.” “Aye, that he did,” Kelly said. “A shovel [...]

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, “Nice tie.” Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty, except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later, the voice said, “Beautiful shirt.” [...]

A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday evening. Before too long, the cops pull him over. The policeman walks up to the man and asks, “Have you been drinking, sir?” “Why? Was I weaving all over the road officer?” “No,” replied, the policeman, “You were driving splendidly. It was [...]

A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, “You don’t feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?”

A drunk is taking a leak right on the street. A policeman says to him: – You could have done it behind the corner! – My dick is no fire hose, you know? An international competition for the title of the manliest man comprised three tests. Every participant must: 1. Drink in one gulp a [...]

A homeless man walks into a diner with enough change for a cup of coffee. Seated next to him at the counter, was a well-dressed man with a bowl of chili in front of him. A few minutes later, finishing his cup of coffee, the homeless man begins to notice that the stranger next to [...]

After a holiday, workers were coming back to work, and those who had already been inside the workshop, greeted every new arrival walking in with the same question, “Hey, pal, how have your holiday been?” And everybody would answer proudly, “It was a beautiful celebration. I don’t remember a thing!”

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: ‘Which end of the [...]