JokesArcade

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it‘s raining,“ he said to his wife.

“No, that felt more like snow to me,“ she…

Holiday Nuts! ——-

Schizophrenia – Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder – We Three Kings Disoriented Are

Dementia – I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas

Narcissistic – Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic – Deck The Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Offices and
towns and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and…

Paranoid – Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me

Borderline Personality – Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire

Personality Disorder – You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why

Obsessive Compulsive – Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…………..

What do angry mice send at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards.

You might be a Redneck if… You’ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?
So you can say “Merry Crispness“!

While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. ‘If you get a train,’ I would tell each one, ‘you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?’

The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him. He promptly replied, ‘Another train.

This one year Santa was having a very bad day. His wife didn’t give him none, he had a hangover from the night before, non of the elves were on schedule, the kids were all bitching and whining and unappreciative. He went to have a drink but all the liqure was gone, everyone was demanding that he do something, the house was a mess and he stubbed his toe on a broken toy and so he started to cuss and shout and he was really pissed. Just then the doorbell rang and it was an Angel with a beautiful new Christmas tree. “Where should I put this Santa?”

If you have a fear of Santa Claus coming down your chimney at Christmas, are you suffering from Santaclaustrophobia?

After being away on business for a week before the Christmas Holiday, Bob thought it would be nice to bring his wife a gift.

“How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics woman at the Department Store. So, she showed him a bottle of $50 perfume.

“That’s a bit much,” said Bob. The woman then returned with a smaller bottle costing $30.

Bob complained, “That’s still a lot of money.”

Growing disgusted, the woman brought out her smallest little bottle of $15 perfume.

Bob grew even more restless and replied, “No no… What I mean is I’d like to see something really cheap!”

So the clerk handed him a mirror!!