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A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it‘s raining,“ he said to his wife.
“No, that felt more like snow to me,“ she…
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Holiday Nuts! ——-
Schizophrenia – Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder – We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia – I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas
Narcissistic – Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic – Deck The Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Offices and
towns and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and…
Paranoid – Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me
Borderline Personality – Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire
Personality Disorder – You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive – Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…………..
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What do angry mice send at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards.
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You might be a Redneck if… You’ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
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Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?
So you can say “Merry Crispness“!
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While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. ‘If you get a train,’ I would tell each one, ‘you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?’
The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him. He promptly replied, ‘Another train.
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This one year Santa was having a very bad day. His wife didn’t give him none, he had a hangover from the night before, non of the elves were on schedule, the kids were all bitching and whining and unappreciative. He went to have a drink but all the liqure was gone, everyone was demanding that he do something, the house was a mess and he stubbed his toe on a broken toy and so he started to cuss and shout and he was really pissed. Just then the doorbell rang and it was an Angel with a beautiful new Christmas tree. “Where should I put this Santa?”
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If you have a fear of Santa Claus coming down your chimney at Christmas, are you suffering from Santaclaustrophobia?
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After being away on business for a week before the Christmas Holiday, Bob thought it would be nice to bring his wife a gift.
“How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics woman at the Department Store. So, she showed him a bottle of $50 perfume.
“That’s a bit much,” said Bob. The woman then returned with a smaller bottle costing $30.
Bob complained, “That’s still a lot of money.”
Growing disgusted, the woman brought out her smallest little bottle of $15 perfume.
Bob grew even more restless and replied, “No no… What I mean is I’d like to see something really cheap!”
So the clerk handed him a mirror!!
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One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax.
When he got there, Miss Clause was all up in his face and wouldn’t let down. Then, there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa not upgrading to the new lightweight sliegh and they were joining the elves walkout. Santa slammed the door and threatend “The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!”
At that time, there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect Christmas tree for Santa’s house all day long, until it found the perfect one. The little angel asked, “Santa, I was wondering where you would like me to stick this tree?”
And that is the story of how the angel atop the tree tradition began.
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