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Decent peoples always try to spend their leisure time in a good manner like reading jokes and stories and having fun with humour. They love to read good and clean funny jokes rather than reading adult and dirty jokes. The reason behind reading good family jokes and clean jokes for having fun is that it suits their personality. Therefore we bring you a hilarious collection of funniest clean jokes for kids and such decent peoples including good clean jokes, clean humor jokes, free clean jokes, clean kids jokes, dumb clean jokes. Here you will also find clean Christmas jokes, clean Irish jokes, clean blonde jokes, Christian clean jokes, funny clean jokes, hilarious clean jokes, short clean jokes, clean family jokes, clean jokes stories, clean one liner jokes and much much more. You would really appreciate this commendable collection. Let’s enjoy!
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Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
if the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
“Congratulations! You‘re a free man. Just tell me why didn‘t you jump?“ asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, “Well Doc, I can‘t swim!“
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Light Bulb Jokes
These things are classic… and no joke site can claim true supremacy on the world wide web without posting occassion light bulb jokes (yes we’ve done this before). So, without further ado – F&J will teach you how to change a light bulb (energy saving of course), no matter what stereotype you fit into…
Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has to really WANT to change.
A2: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many ‘Real Women’ does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A ‘Real Woman’ would have plenty of ‘real men’ around to do it.
Q: How many ‘Real Men’ does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: ‘Real Men’ aren’t afraid of the dark (guess the women are screwed).
Q: How many government workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. Eighteen to stand around, one to change the bulb, and another to supervise.
Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
Q: How many country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, another to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw the poor (ouch.. I can’t believe I posted this one).
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to refer an installation specialist, and another to bill it all to Medicare.
Q: How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester’s credit for it too.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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One summer afternoon, Former President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. After a long road trip, they stopped at a service station to fill up their car with gas.
As it turns out, the owner of the gas station was Hillary’s old high school boyfrined. They exchanged hello’s and brief chit-chat before the former White House couple went on their way.
As they were making their way back home, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, “Well, honey… if you had stayed with him, you would now be the wife of a service station owner.”
She smirked and replied, “No Bill, if I had stayed with him… he would have been the President of the United States!”
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A Man Goes Into A Pet Store and Buys 2 Fish, He Names Them 1 And 2, His Friend asks Him ” Why did U Call Them 1 And 2?”
He Says, “Well if 1 Dies I’ve still Got 2 Left.”
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Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. The first thing he said was, “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” Adam replied.
“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit,” God said.
“Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve…we have forbidden fruit!”
“No way!”
“Yes, way!”
“Do NOT eat the fruit!” said God.
“Why?”
“Because I am your Father and I said so!” God replied, wondering why he stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break and he was ticked! “Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?” God, as our first parent, asked.
“Uh huh,” Adam replied.
“Then why did you?” said the Father.
“I don’t know,” said Eve.
“She started it!” Adam said.
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
“DID NOT!”Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. This should be fun.
Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed! But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what made you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
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A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and read from the menu. “I’d like one under-cooked egg so that it’s runny, and one over-cooked egg so that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee.” “That’s a complicated order sir,” said the bewildered waiter. “It might be quite difficult.” The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!”
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moneyDon’t spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
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A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles…
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An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Shortly, he received this reply,
“For HEAVEN‘S SAKE Dad, don‘t dig up that garden, that‘s where I buried the Money!“
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.
His son‘s reply was: “Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It‘s the best I could do from here.“
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