Creating jokes on computer has always been a great fun. Computer jokes have been becoming popular to a great extent among new generation and particularly kids really like computer joke. Here you will find computer related jokes like funny computer jokes, , kids computer jokes, computer virus jokes, computer geek jokes, computer science jokes, computer nerd and practical computer jokes. You will also find some jokes relating to IT in this category. You would never ever find such short, one line, clean and best jokes on computer anywhere else on the internet . So get ready to have a jump to Computer & IT Jokes World. Enjoy your stay and have fun

The engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”

The young engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

July 19 – Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
modem. I don’t see why. He’s just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think
I am?

July 22 – I bought the modem. I couldn’t figure out where it goes. It wouldn’t
fit in the monitor or the printer. I’m confused.

July 23 – I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next
door did it for me. But it still don’t work. I cant get online.

July 25 – That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online
for me. He’s so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that’s
just another service. What a modest kid. He’s so smart and he does these
services for people. Anyway he’s smarter then the jerks who sold me the
modem. They didn’t even tell me about communications software. Bet they
didn’t know. And why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back of a
modem when you only need one? And why do they have one labeled phone when
you are not suppose to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought
the dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured
it out by the sound.

July 26 – What’s the internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not this
internet thing. I’m confused.

July 27 – The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this America
Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is compared
to me. Maybe he’s not so modest after all.

July 28 – I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but
nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone.

July 29 – I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I’m
connected to America Online not usenet.

July 30 – These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters.
How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters.
Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.

JULY 31 – I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT
NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS THIS CAPS
LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN’T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD
AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISNT THE SAME SIZE AS THE
OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN’T WANT A STANDARD
KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I
HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.

AUGUST 1 – I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT CAN
ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE
INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.

AUGUST 2 – I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE
ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA! HA!
I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES.

AUGUST 3 – I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON’T NOW SPIDERS
GREW THAT LARGE.

AUGUST 4 – THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE. I
WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I
WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE TIMES.

AUGUST 5 – SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN’T HAVE TO USE
PROFANITY.

AUGUST 6 – SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT
A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW CAN
THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?

August 7 – Why have a Caps Lock key if you’re not suppose to use it? Its
probably an extra feature that costs more money.

August 8 – I just read this post called make money fast. I’m so exited.
I’m going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it
to every newsgroup I could find.

August 9 – I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will
have to work on it some more.

August 10 – I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few
posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the
earth. I wonder what an aol is.

August 11 – I was asking where to find some information about something.
Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I’ve looked and looked but I
can’t find that group.

August 12 – I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking
where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask the kid
next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my house he’s
laughing so hard he can’t eat or sleep or do his homework. So they wont let
him come over anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I don’t know why
the rec.humor group didn’t like my chicken joke. Maybe they only like dirty
stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and they
used bad words.

August 13 – I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet
asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include my new
signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will want to
read my favorite poem so I included it. I’m also going to add that short story
I
like.

August 14 – Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I
told him I don’t have an account at his bank. He’s so dumb.

1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.

2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.

3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. “Big” diskettes may be folded and used in “little” disk drives.

4. Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.

5. Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes into the drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written on both diskettes.

6. Diskettes should not be inserted or removed from the drive while the red light is flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally the red light remains flashing in what is known as a “hung” or “hooked” state. If your system is “hooking” you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed access to the slot.

7. If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for 2 minutes. This will pack the data enough (Data Compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss data.

8. Access time can be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.

9. Diskettes may be used as coasters for beverage glasses, provided that they are properly waxed beforehand. Be sure to wipe the diskettes dry before using. (see item 2 above)

10. Never use scissors and glue to manually edit documents. The data is stored much too small for the naked eye, and you may end up with data from some other document stuck in the middle of your document. Razor blades and scotch tape may be used, however, provided the user is equipped with an electron microscope.

11. Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:
The less you know,the more you make.

The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the
scene. Being a man of the 90′s and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like
manner.

He sent the following e-mail to his wife’s lover:

Sir,
It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my
wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday
next.

The “other man” was highly amused by the husband’s formal manner and sent off the following reply at once:

Dear Sir,
I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the
scheduled conference in your Office’s auditorium.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, “It’s leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!”