JokesArcade

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” remorsed

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Doctor Doctor I think I’m a moth.
So why did you come around then?
Well, I saw this light at the window…!

Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee
Have you tried taking the spoon out?

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon!
Well sit still and don’t stir!

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I’ll deal with you later.

Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?
Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you’ll have a bad headache.

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me
One at a time please

Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?
I never make rash promises!

Aik Aadmi Doctor kay paas gaya aur us
se kaha Doctor sahab mujhe PATLAY
motion hain.

Doctor: Kitne Patle Hain????

Patient: Buhat Patle Hain.

Doctor: Phir Bhi Kitne Patle???????

Patient: Itne Patle Motion Hain kay
app KULLI bhi kar sakte hain!!!

A man comes into the Emergency Room and yells, “My wife’s going
To have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
Lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly
I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.(Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX)

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
“You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
“What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in bed.”
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
“Getting a second opinion.”

Mareez DocTor Se > DocT Sahab Mujhe Duur Ka Nazar Nhi AaTa..

DocT > Wo Asmaan Par Kia Hai?

Mareez > Chand..

DocT > Abey SaaLe Is Se Duur Kia FarishTe DeKhe Ga..!

A young girl had been suffering from severe headaches and had tests run by her doctor. The doctor said, “I’m sorry miss, but you have a massive brain tumor.”

The girl started crying and said to her mom, “I’m only 15 years old. I don’t want to die.”

The doctor said, “Well this is modern medicine. There is an experimental technique for a brain transplant, but it’s expensive and not covered by insurance.”

The girl’s mother said, “Don’t worry, dear. How much does it cost?”

The doctor replied, “Well, a male brain is $1,000,000 and the female brain is $25,000.”

The mom said, “No problem. But why is the male brain more expensive then the female brain?” The doctor replied, “Because the female brain is USED!”

Doctor: Aap bilkul meri teesri biwi ki tarha lag rahi hain..

Larki: oh really! aap ki kitni beewian hain?

Doctor: 2

Doctor, Doctor, You’ve got to help me – I just can’t stop my hands shaking!”
“Do you drink a lot?”
“Not really – I spill most of it!”