You know you‘re Italian when

You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can‘t fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2…

Leroy is given a homework assignment. Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper. He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in sentences. Here’s what he handed in: HONOR ROLL – We was playin poker on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL. PLANET – I got [...]

• I thought Graceland was tacky. • No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe. • Do you think my hair is too big? • Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? • The tires on that truck are too big. • I’ve got it all on a floppy disk. • [...]

Q. What English word has no equivalent in the French language? A. Gratitude

There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top…

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work [...]

First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________ Address (where you live): Mother’s name(list also relation, i.e., sister):__________________ Birthdate(yours):____________________ Father’s name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________ Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( ) Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) [...]

Confucious say… …woman sitting in jelly have her ass in jam. …man with penis in peanut butter, fucking nuts. …man who puts penis in vaccuum cleaner, get sucked off. …boy who lay girl on hill, not on level. …man who lose key to girlfriend apartment, get no new-key! …he who finger girl during period, get [...]

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, [...]

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.