A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six“ in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it‘s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, ‘Shall we go home now Mother of Six?“

His wife, finally fed up with her husband, shouts back, “Anytime you‘re ready, Father of Four!“

Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Why do you have to “put your two cents in”…but it’s [...]

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. 3. Use CB lingo where applicable. 4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 5. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.” [...]

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take [...]

A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life so she placed an ad, which read something like this: RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE …NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS: 1) WON’T BEAT ME UP 2) WON’T RUN AWAY 3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For [...]

Pat: Hey, Chris! How’s your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special. Chris: To tell you the truth, I’m really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird. Pat: You bought a fish because you thought you could [...]

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?“ he asked one man. “We don‘t have any money for food,“ the poor man [...]

You have a face like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled!

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour, “May I borrow a highlighter?” 2. Say “Uh oh, I knew I shouldn’t put my lips on that.” 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. Say, “Hmmm, I’ve never seen that color [...]

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair while her dad gets his hair cut….she is eating a snack cake… the barber smiles at her and says, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your twinkie.” “I know, “she replies. “I’m gonna get boobies, too.”