teacher:”If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.

“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

An actual tip from page 16 of the Hewlett Packard Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: “Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.”

money A young lawyer who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home totally elated. “Dad, listen, you aren’t going to believe this,” he said to his father. “I’ve finally settled that old Whitmore

Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed. They were the only people who survived. They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything. So the next morning the first man went out. He didn’t come [...]

Three convicts escape from jail and are being chased by police. They turn onto a dark alley and spot a bunch of potato sacks. Each of the three hide in one. A policeman quickly comes through the scene and hears a rustling from the potato sacks. He goes over to them and kicks the first [...]

This Policeman pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. “I was only going 40!” the driver protested. “Not according to my radar,” the officer replied. “Yes, I was!” the man shouted back. “No you weren’t!” the policeman said, starting to get annoyed. [...]

A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, ‘Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!’ He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can’t help but wonder why they are chanting ‘Thirteen!’ over and over. Could it be that they [...]

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare [...]

Unix *is* user friendly. It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly.

Ring Ring…Hello, who is it?Is your phone number 13498 Ring Ring… Hello, who is it? Is your phone number 13498732? No. So, why did you pick up the phone?