JokesArcade

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

“The effects are fleeting and lingering…” – Overheard in a hallway

“In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted.” – CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

“A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across.” – Announcer on KZOK radio

“He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that’s a mouthful!” – CBS baseball announcer

“An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement.” – Irish Politician on RTE radio

“This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation.” – BBC world service.

“We have two incredibly credible witnesses here.” – Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

“He’s going to step down ’til he’s back on his feet.” – Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart’s latest sex scandal

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

“Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, “with your hand on my steak?”

“What” answers the waiter, “You want it to fall on the floor again?”

Never argue with an idiot. They pull you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

Once, there were three guys stranded on an island, and the mainland was 100 miles away.

The first guy swam 25 miles, and drowned.

The second guy swam 50 miles, and drowned.

The third guy swam 99 miles, and said,’I'm tired. I think I’ll swim back.’

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.