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A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea
‘Do you enjoy it?’ The doctor asked.
‘Actually, yes, I do.’
‘Does it hurt you?’ he asked.
‘No. I rather like it.’
‘Well, then,’ the doctor continued, ‘there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.’
The woman was mystified. ‘What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?’
‘Of course,’ the doctor replied. ‘Where do you think politicians come from?
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Q. What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A. A hot dog and a six-pack.
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Late yesterday afternoon the US Government, in coalition with several major European countries, announced at a press conference newfound dangers from swallowing bubble gum. The FDA first learned of this problem after one of their officials attended a Pilates class.
If you or someone you know chews gum and does pilates, make sure you send this to them!
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Late yesterday afternoon the US Government, in coalition with several major European countries, announced at a press conference newfound dangers from swallowing bubble gum. The FDA first learned of this problem after one of their officials attended a Pilates class.
If you or someone you know chews gum and does pilates, make sure you send this to them!
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1. A man will
pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men – but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes – there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage & after marriage.
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Q. How do men exercise at the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
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The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the
house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the
proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local
hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a “man’s world”
there.
Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she
was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as
if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of
purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind
him she discovered she hadn’t bought any files. She pointed to one and
said “May I have one of those ?”
The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, “What… one of
those bastards ?”
Without a pause, she said, “Yeah ! And ya better give me a few of
those Son-of-a-Bitches next to ‘em too.”
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A woman is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, “What horrible luck! What in the world should I do now?”
A gentleman next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, “I don’t know… Why don’t you play your age?”
He walks away. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won!
Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”
The operator replies, “I don’t know, buddy…. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!”
What’d You Think?
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A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ”Hey, lady! You’re
really ugly!” The lady was furious and continued on her way.
On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more
said “Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” She was incredibly ticked now, so she went
into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The
store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot
didn’t say it again.
The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. “Hey,
lady!” it said.
“Yes?”
“You know.”
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A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”
“What dear?” She asked gently.
“I think you bring me bad luck.”
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