JokesArcade

I’m sitting here at the computer, scouring the internet for the world’s best bad breath jokes. Honestly, you’d think it’d be easier. I only found a few, and decided to twist it into “Yo Mama” style.

* Yo mama’s breath is so bad that when she breathes, her teeth duck out of the way.
* Yo mama’s breath is so bad, she could clear a chat room.
* Yo mama’s breath is so stank, when she talks her lips go numb.
* Yo mama’s breath is sooo bad, she made Close Up back up.
* Yo mama’s breath stinks so bad, people look forward to her farts!

F&J really needs your help here, please post you favorite yo mama’s breath is so bad… jokes. Today we sucketh, this is honestly all we could come up with.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn right! What good is a cake if you can’t eat it?

4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? I’m gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the movies and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya bitch?

7. When something is ‘new and improved!’. Which is it?
If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say “life is short”. What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!!
What can you do that’s longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, fuckin’ dumb ass?

If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.

If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.

Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck.

Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair.

I hear you pick your friends — to pieces!!

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.

They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that’s all they’re good for.

People can’t say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

You must have a low opinion of people if you think they’re your equals.

I wish you were all here. I don’t like to think there is more!

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide!

A lady with her baby is sitting in a bus beside the driver… “What an ugly baby!”, said the driver to the lady.

Feeling insulted, she moved to another seat and murmurred a few things under her breathe. The man next to her asked, “What happened?”

“The driver just insulted me!” she cried. Sympathetic, the man offered, “That bastard, he shouldn’t have insulted you! Go, get his number. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

There was a man on the bus and he was sitting down when a fat lady said ‘if u were a gentleman you would stand up and let someone else sit down’and he said ‘and if you werent so fat you would stand up and let 4 people sit down’

Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that’s the best friend you can get.

I don’t think you are a fool. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others?

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.

People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.

I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.

When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.

I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.

I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.

I’m very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.

I don’t hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.

10. Sag! You’re it!

9. Pin the toupee on the bald guy.

8. 20 questions shouted in your good ear.

7. Kick the bucket.

6. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says bend over.

5. Doc, doc, goose.

4. Simon says something incoherent.

3. Musical recliners.

2. Spin the bottle of Mylanta.

And the #1 party game for old people is… Hide and go pee!

Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she was born, a fight broke out in the delivery room.
There was a brawl over who got to slap her mom first.

Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I’ll arrange it with the undertaker.

People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.

Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!

We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, “Gentlemen.” Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.

The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.

You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.

All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don’t you send them a penny and square the account?

I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin.

No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.

There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.

Sit down and give your mind a rest.

A young man was at a fancy restaurant one day with his new girlfriend. It’s their first date and everything is going well, barring the occasional period of silence. The girlfriend goes to the restrooms and while she is away, the young man spots somebody at another table that looks incredibly like Bob Barker, the Price Is Right guy. He decides to pop over and approache the guy.

“Excuse me,” says the young man, “but you half look like Bob Barker. I don’t suppose…”

“Well,” interrupts Bob, “actually, I am Bob Barker.”

The young man is almost speechless, but does continue, “Look Bob, I think you’re great. I’ve watched all your shows and blah, blah, blah, etc… could you do me a favor?”

“What ever you want,” says Bob.

“Well, you see I’m at another table with my new girlfriend and it would really impress her if you would just come up to me and say, ‘Hello John’.”

“Sure, no problem.” says Bob.

So Steve rushes back to his table and his girlfriend returns. A few moments later, over pops Bob to their table and goes up to John.

“Hi John, how you doing?” says Bob. John looks up and says, “Oh, piss off, Bob”.