JokesArcade

Your family is so poor, I flicked a booger on the door and your Mama came out
and said: “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!”

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I’ll think so.

Man alive! But I wish you weren’t.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.

You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.

You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn’t like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.

We know that romance brings out the beast in you — the jackass.

I’m looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven’t had it yet.

There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.

All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that’s the only way they could.

I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.

He’s the world’s greatest proof of reincarnation– no one could get that dumb in just one lifetime.

Feeling alittle dumpy today? Take it out on the people around you with a few well timed, randomly spewed insults. Don’t like the way your co-worker is looking at you? Try one of these…

* You couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
* You must have fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down.
* You have an intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
* You’re few cards short of a full deck. (yea I know that’s old)
* You’re a few fries short of a Happy Meal. (yea yea, old too)
* You’re about as smart as bait.
* I think the wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead. (I like this one)
* I think the cheese slid off his cracker. (WTF?)
* You must have been an experiment in artificial stupidity.

Q: Why do they call PMS PMS?

A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!

Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.

You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.

It’s your life — but I wish you’d let us have it.

Hey, act your age — senile!

I’ve had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

You’re the best at all you do — and all you do is make people hate you.

In the dictionary under the word, “stupid,” it says, “see him.”

We know you could not live without us. We’ll pay for the funeral.

We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.

Don’t you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?

The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.

When you get run over by a car, it shouldn’t be listed under accidents.

The following are purported to be actual comments made by NYC teachers on their report cards as part of their final narratives. All teachers were reprimanded, but these are great!!!

1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a “full six-pack”, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter’s I.Q. reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

11. It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.