JokesArcade

Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily.

His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”

“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said Johnny through his tears.

“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you’re upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?”

“I did!” sobbed Johnny.

A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well
“Yes! Of course! My pop taught me…even more than 10″
“Good. What comes after three?”
“Four,” answers the boy.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven.”
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your erm…dad did a good job. Now…so what comes after…lets say ten?”
“A jack”

Little Johnny’s mother decided to give her son and anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, “Johnny, this is where you came from.” Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as Lucky Johnny. “Why” one asked. Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, “Because I came this close to being a turd.”

Teachers never give up, and neither does Little Johnny. She asks him, “Can you name the Great Lakes?”

You know Johnny, he is always fast with an answer, and he pipes up with, “I don’t need to. They’ve already been named.”

One day, Little Johnny’s grandmother sent him to the water
hole to get some water for cooking dinner.

As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma’s house as fast as he could.

“Where’s my bucket and my water?” She asked.

“I can’t get any water from that water hole, there’s a mean ol’ alligator down there!”

“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Johnny. He’s been
there for years, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”

“Well, Grandma,” replied Johnny, “if he’s as scared of me as
I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks “Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?”.

His teacher replies “NO”

Johnny moans and says “But my mummy lets me”.

“OK then, just for tonight” the teacher replies.

Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks “Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger”.

She again says “NO”.

“But my mummy lets me” says Johnny again.

“Well I suppose it’s OK” replies the teacher.

Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming “THAT’S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON”

Little Johnny replies “It aint my finger either”.

Little Johnny’s first grade class was playing “Name That Animal.” The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, “What animal is this?”

“A cat!” said Suzy.

“Good job. Now, what’s this animal?”

“A dog!” said Ricky.

“Good. Now what animal is this?” she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, “It’s what your mom calls your dad.”

“I know!” called out Little Johnny. “A horny bastard!”

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” said his mom, “of course not.”
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the

only animals that stutter,” she says. Little Johnny raises his hand. “I had a

kitty-cat who stuttered,” he volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked

young Johnny to describe the incident.

“Well,” he began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives

next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into

our yard!

“That must’ve been scary,” said the teacher.

“It sure was!” said Johnny. “My kitty raised his back, went ‘Fffff, Fffff, Fffff’… and

before he could say “F*ck”, the Rottweiler ate him!”