JokesArcade

A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.

He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot’s friends cried out, “Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!”

The experimentalist calmly replied, “Have patience. I’m just a simple pole in a complex plane.”

Theorem: All numbers are equal.
Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then

a + b = t
(a + b)(a – b) = t(a – b)
a^2 – b^2 = ta – tb
a^2 – ta = b^2 – tb
a^2 – ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 – tb + (t^2)/4
(a – t/2)^2 = (b – t/2)^2
a – t/2 = b – t/2
a = b

The chef instructs his apprentice: “You take two thirds of water, one third of cream, one third of broth…”
The apprentice: “But that makes four thirds already!”
“Well – just take a larger pot!”

What is the integral of “one over cabin” with respect to “cabin”?
Answer: Natural log cabin + c = houseboat.

Theorem: 1 + 1 = 2

Proof:
n(2n – 2) = n(2n – 2)
n(2n – 2) – n(2n – 2) = 0
(n – n)(2n – 2) = 0
2n(n – n) – 2(n – n) = 0
2n – 2 = 0
2n = 2
n + n = 2
or setting n = 1
1 + 1 = 2

A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it’s wrong, but also because he doesn’t want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting.
His classmate calms him down: “Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I’ll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on.”
Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying.
After the deadline, the student asks: “Did you really change the names of all the variables?”
“Sure!” the classmate replies. “When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1…”

Q:There r 3 goldfish in a fishbowl 1 drowns how many r left?

A:3 because fish can’t drown they live in water.

The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, “Go forth and multiply.”

A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. “What’s the problem?” says Noah.
“Cut down some trees and let us live there”, say the snakes.

Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, “Want to tell me how the trees helped?”

“Certainly”, say the snakes. “We’re adders, so we need logs to multiply.

Proof:
We know that $1 = 100 cents
Divide both sides by 100
$ 1/100 = 100/100 cents
=> $ 1/100 = 1 cent
Take square root both side
=> squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent)
=> $ 1/10 = 1 cent
Multiply both side by 10
=> $1 = 10 cent

A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment.

The (hungry) mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and his favorite meal, perfectly prepared, is placed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, ‘You are to remain in your chair. Every minute, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the meal.’

The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. ‘What? I’m not going to go through this. You know I’ll never reach the food!’ And he gets up and storms out.

The psychologist ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist’s eyes light up and he starts drooling.

The psychologist is a bit confused. ‘Don’t you realize that you’ll never reach the food?’

The physicist smiles and replies: ‘Of course! But I’ll get close enough for all practical purposes!’