JokesArcade

A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours.
Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: “Don’t worry – we’re safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine.”
A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: “But don’t worry – we’re still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours.”
Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: “Don’t worry – even with one engine, we’re still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt.”
The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: “If the last engine breaks down, too, then we’ll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!”

Teacher: “Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?”
Student: “It’s 42!”
Teacher: “Very good! – And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?”
Same student: “It’s 24!”

What kind of bra did the mathematical mermaid where?

An Algae bra

There are three kinds of mathematicians:
those who can count and those who can’t.

There are two groups of people in the world;
those who believe that the world can be
divided into two groups of people,
and those who don’t.

There are two groups of people in the world:
Those who can be categorized into one of two
groups of people, and those who can’t.

Three is equal to four
Theorem: 3=4
Proof:

Suppose:
a + b = c

This can also be written as:
4a – 3a + 4b – 3b = 4c – 3c

After reorganizing:
4a + 4b – 4c = 3a + 3b – 3c

Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)

Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3

Applied mathematics ROMANCE MATHEMATICSSmart man + smar
Applied mathematics
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ‘You’re next.’

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four…

Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher can do without the trash bin…

Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A: A high school math problem!

Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!

Q: How does one insult a mathematician?
A: You say: “Your brain is smaller than any >0!”

Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose?
A: A polynomial ring!

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!

Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?
A: Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!

Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!

Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction – every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime,…
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime,…
Programmer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime,…
Salesperson: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 — we’ll do for you the best we can,…
Computer Software Salesperson: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime in the next release,…
Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 — results have not arrived yet,…
Advertiser: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 11 is a prime,…
Lawyer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 — there is not enough evidence to prove that it is not a prime,…
Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, deducing 10% tax and 5% other obligations.
Statistician: Let’s try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime, 11 is a prime…
Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.
Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime,…
Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,…

Theorem: All positive integers are equal.

Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B.

Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A and B (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.

Proceed by induction.

If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1. So A = B.

Assume that the theorem is true for some value k. Take A and B with MAX(A, B) = k+1. Then MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k. And hence (A-1) = (B-1). Consequently, A = B.