JokesArcade

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, smart with wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit.

Second was carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.

Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within.

Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.

Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell.

Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee, touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.

Last came a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it and called it a cunt.

Walk a mile in his shoes
After that

Who cares

He’s a mile away
N
The shoes r urs
Take them
N runnnnn

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

“Wow,” Gary said. “I’ve never seen one like that before.”

“Like what?” Martin said.

“All twisted like a pig’s tail,” Gary said.

“Well, what’s yours like?” Martin said.

“Straight, like normal,” Gary said.

“I thought mine was normal until I saw yours,” Martin said.

Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.

“What did you do that for?” Martin said.

“Shaking off the excess drops,” Gary said. “Like normal.”

“Fucks!,” Martin said. “And all these years I’ve been wringing it.”

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ”Well, you see that 3-pack? That’s for when you’re in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.”
The son then asks his father, ”What’s the 6-pack for?”

The father replies, ”Well, that’s for when you’re in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.”

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ”Well, that’s for when you’re married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for…..”

One day a man went on a buissness trip to Florida.

He had saw this hooker and he asked “How much for a hand job?”

The hooker replied “100 Bucks”

The man said “100 Bucks, That’s a lot of got damn money”

So the hooker pulled him to the side and said “See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs.”

So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had ever had.

The next day he sees her and asks “How much for a head job?”

She said “200 dollars”

“200 dollars that’s a lot of money”

She pulled him to the side and said “You see that yahat by the pier, I paid for that yahat by giving head jobs.”

So he gives her the money, and get the best head job of his life

On hist last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says “The hand job was good, the head job was great how much for the whole package.”

“1000 dollars’

“1000 dollars that’s a lot of god damn money”

So she pulled him to side and said “You see that island, I could afford that if i had a pussy.”

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, “I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I CAN’T DO IT!”
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, “How did it go?” The first one answers. “It was embarrassing. I simply couldn”t do it.”

The second hobbit shook his head. “Manhood problems, eh?”

“No. I couldnt get on the bed!”

Flowers die
Stories end
Songs fade
Memories r forgotten
All things come to an end
But ppl like u remain forever
Coz ghosts never die

There were these three guys in a strip club and the first guy had 15 dollars, the 2nd guy had 10 and the 3rd guy had 5. Well the 3rd guy went backstage with one of the girls and he came back smiling and everyone was like what did she do to you and he said she put whip cream on my **** and licked it off so the guy with $10 decided to go back. He also came back smiling and he said that she put whip cream and caramel on his **** and licked it off and so the guy with $15 decided to try his luck. He also came back smiling and they were dying to know what happened. He said well she put whip cream, caramel, AND gummy worms on mine, but hey it looked so good I decided to lick it off myself!!

ps- that was really funny to me!!

Three guys die and go to hell.

When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their penises.

“Oh, how are you going to do it”, asks one of the guys.

“Whatever your fathers jobs were, that’s how I’ll remove them” says the devil.

So he calls over the first guy “Your father was a lumberjack… So I’ll cut it off with a saw”

To the second guy he says “Your father was a blacksmith… So I’m going to burn it off”

As he calls the third guy over he notices he’s smiling.

“Why are you smiling, you just watched me remove your friends penises” says the devil.

“I know” replies the man “but my father was a popsicle maker”

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”

Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”

Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.

“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.

I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! it’s a great morning for sex or golf ‘ and she said, “Take a sweater..”