JokesArcade

An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter, &quotWhat are you doing naked?”

The daughter responds, &quotThis is the dress of love.”

When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.

When her husband arrives, he asks her, &quotWhat are you doing naked?”

She responds, &quotThis is the dress of love.”

&quotWell,” he says to her, &quotgo iron it.”

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says ?I don?t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.?
The husband says ?WHAT???

The wife says, ?You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman.?

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store.

He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can?t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. Then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings.

The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, ?But you don?t even play tennis, but OK, if you like it then let?s get it.?

The wife is jumping up and down ? she?s so excited, she cannot believe what is going on.

She says ?I?m ready to go, let?s go to the cash register.? The husband says, ?No – no – no, honey we?re not going to buy all this stuff.? The wife?s face goes blank, ?No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.?

Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the husband says ?You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man.?

1/ SmS milte hi parhta hai,

2/ Parhte huay hansta hai,
3/ Neechay mat jana

.

Jis kam se roko wohi karta hai.

It was the first day of a new school year.

Three boys arrive at class late and the teacher asks the first boy “Why are you tardy,” the boy replies “I’ve been on Blueberry Hill” the teacher said “Take your seat.”

She asks the next boy why he was late. “I was on Blueberry Hill also” he replied.

Then she asked the third boy, but he replied with the same answer.

As the boys we’re sitting down a girl arrives in.

“Let me guess”, said the teacher. “You where on Bluberry Hill aslo”

“NO…. I am Blueberry Hill” replied the girl.

Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful young blonde woman passes them. She’s 5’10″, 120 lbs, 38-24-36, with a string bikini on and no tan lines.

The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a breathless whisper says, “It’s women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a Lesbian!!”

A little boy about 10 years old was walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a whore house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, &quotI want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I’m not leaving until I get it.” The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, &quotDo any of the girls have any diseases?” Of course, the Madam said, &quotNo!” He said,
&quotI heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT’S the girl I want.” Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door! . The Madam stopped him and asked,
&quotWhy did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?” He said, &quotWell, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he’ll jump the baby-sitter’s bones, and he’ll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE’S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!”

After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving.

The female officer tells the man, “Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be held against you.“

This man, his wife and their Border Collie, Maisy were out for a drive in the country one afternoon in their new convertible, with the top down. The husband and wife were enjoying the scenery as they drove along. While unbeknownst to them, Maisy gave birth to seven puppies while laying on the back seat of the automobile. The couple continued to drive along, unaware of the new arrivals. Soon the road began to deteriorate and was beginning to become quite rough. Suddenly, the car ran over a deep pothole in the road, and one of Maisy’s puppies bounced up and out of the car, landing on the roadway just in front of a police car that had been following the man and his wife.

The police officer switched on his lights and siren, and soon had the couple pulled over to the side of the road. What are you pulling me over for? Queried the startled driver. The officer responded, “I pulled you over for creating a “Road Hazard, for other drivers!” What hazard? Asked the man. “A puppy bounced out of your car and put myself, and several other drivers at risk, trying to avoid hitting it.” Now your Drivers License and Proof of Insurance please. Thank you Sir… And the ‘Bitches’ name, Sir. Hey! How dare you call my wife a bitch! Sir, I was referring to the dog! Oh… Her name is Maisy. What do you want her name for, officer? Well Sir, after I write your ticket for “Endangering Vehicular Traffic”, I am going to cite your dog, Maisy, for Littering!

There are two ants living in a girl’s pair of panties.

One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour.

So, one ant went in one cave, and the other ant in a different cave. After an hour went by, the two ants met back up.

One ant was covered in brown, sticky, smelly stuff. “Eeew!, What was your cave like” asked the other ant.

“It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly and the walls were all dark and sticky” replied the ant. “So how was your cave ?”.

“Well” he said, “It was lovely at first, all pink and warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me and then spitting on me.”