JokesArcade

Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches

rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

“Hello?”

“Honey, It’s me.”

“Sugar!”

“Are you at the club?”

“Yes.”

“Great! I’m at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I

buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $1,500.”

“Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.”

“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke

with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought

last year…”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $60,000!”

“Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

“Great! Before we hang up, something else…”

“What?”

“It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…well, I stopped by to see the real estate

agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale! Remember? The one with a pool,

English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

“How much are they asking?”

“Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

“Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?”

“Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

“Bye.”

The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and asks aloud, “Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?”

businessmanOne attractive young businesswoman to another, over lunch:

My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid

multiplying.

man,hikingA woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Hunting flies,” He responded.

“Oh, killing any?” She asked.

“Yep, three males, two females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, “Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.”

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he

decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone and he explains all the features on the

phone.

The next day, the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it’s her husband:

“Hi honey”, he says “how do you like your new phone?”

And she replies:

“I just love it, it’s so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there’s one thing I don’t understand though”.

“What’s that, baby?,” asks the husband.

“How did you know I was at Wal Mart?”

businessmanA young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished

with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the

businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around

and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in

the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the

next stall…

- “Hi there, how is it going?”

Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn’t know

what to say so finally I say:

- “Not bad…”

Then the voice says:

- “So, what are you doing?”

I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:

- “Well, I’m going back to Colorado…”

Then I hear the person say all flustered:

- “Look I’ll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me.”

One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. There, he deals with the

usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller
demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.

The best call came from Bubba, who repeatedly complained that he keeps
being paged by “Lucille.”

He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.

“She don’t never leave no number, so I can’t call her back,” he said.

After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn’t leave a number.

“She leaves her name,” was the reply.

After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on.

“How does she spell her name?” the service rep asked.

“L-O-W C-E-L-L”

Another technical problem solved.

Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Tangled in a web of wireless? Maybe you should ask yourself these questions.

1. Do parts of your body tingle when you get free cell phone minutes?

2. Does raising your children interfere with programming your speed dial?

3. Do you have long-distance conversations while sitting on the toilet in a public restroom?

4. Does the term fashion statement mean to you matching your outfit with your cell phone carrying case?

5. When getting into a car accident, is your first response “Can you hold on a moment, I’m hemorrhaging?“

6. Does the sound of static trigger dark memories of ill-fated connections?

7. Do you use the menu light as your night light?

8. Does it take you an hour on a regular phone to get the same feeling of a five-minute cellular call?

9. When receiving a phone call, do you ever ask the film projectionist to lower the volume of the movie?

Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Tangled in a web of wireless? Maybe you should ask yourself these questions.

1. Do parts of your body tingle when you get free cell phone minutes?

2. Does raising your children interfere with programming your speed dial?

3. Do you have long-distance conversations while sitting on the toilet in a public restroom?

4. Does the term fashion statement mean to you matching your outfit with your cell phone carrying case?

5. When getting into a car accident, is your first response “Can you hold on a moment, I’m hemorrhaging?”

6. Does the sound of static trigger dark memories of ill-fated connections?

7. Do you use the menu light as your night light?

8. Does it take you an hour on a regular phone to get the same feeling of a five-minute cellular call?

9. When receiving a phone call, do you ever ask the film projectionist to lower the volume of the movie?

businessmanA businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going

to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some

security for such a loan.

The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the

Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, “We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are

a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why

you would bother to borrow $5,000?”

The business man replied: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?”