JokesArcade

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back

to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that

flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow

passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and

said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should

Make To America?” and he smiles.

“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask

you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same

stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns

out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do

you suppose that is?”

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks

about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to

change America when you don’t know shit?”

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate
her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first
student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of
the day off.

She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy
instantly jumped up and said, “Winston Churchill.”

“Congratulations,” said the teacher, “you may go home early.”

The teacher then said, “Ask not what your country can do for you,
but..” Before she could finish the quote, another young lady belts
out, “John F. Kennedy!”

“Very good,” says the teacher, “you may go also.”

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny
said, “I wish those girls would just shut up.”

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know
who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, “Bill
Clinton. I’ll see you Monday.”

This simple three question test illustrates how often Bill Clinton

must be telling lies.

1. Is the Pope catholic?
2. Does Windows have bugs?
3. Does Clinton lie?

Two aliens land on the earth, near L.A. They get out of their

aircraft, take their scanners, and start exploring their surroundings.

After walking for a while, they suddenly see a L.A.P.D. cop lying in

the middle of the road.

So the first alien says, “UX251, do you see the object on the ground?”

“Yes,” answers the other, “what could it be?”

“I don’t know, UX251, pass the scanner and see if we can retrieve some

data on it.”

So they scan the object. “No data available, UZ11, what will we do

now?”

The alien thinks for a while, picks up the cap, and puts it on his

head. “What could this object possibly be?” asks the other one. “I

don’t know you weirdo,” says the alien, “but I sure feel like beating

the crap out of you.”

A certain day Fidel was addressing Cuba in a speech, and he told them:
-We have been said to be a country of misery and poverty. So, we have

to let those yakees up north know that in Cuba nobody goes to sleep

without eating!
Then a cuban gets on his feet and says:
-Hey, ma’ broda’, ya know I haven’t had any food yet?
And Fidel answered swiftly:
-Then don’t go to sleep

Thanks to our top notch US Secret Service protection, a brazen new

plot to kidnap Presidential hopeful Barack Obama has been exposed!

These kidnappers are not only getting brave (maybe desperate), they’re

also getting more inventive…

In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms.
Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges by

offering a
full throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources close to the
investigation report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for details

concerning
an oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although the
independent prosecutor’s team will drill Monica prior to her

testimony,
beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal.

Time magazine sent a survey to women in Arkansas, asking for their

opinions on the Clinton Sex Scandal. One of the questions: Would you

ever have an affair with Bill Clinton? The results were staggering!

5% — No
3% — Yes
92% — Never Again

There was a presidential summit and the presidents of the world were

asked to propose topics to discuss about.
The president of the United States said, “I think we’d see about how

to stop wars.” Everybody applauded.
The president of Somalia said, “I think we’d see about how to stop

hunger.” Everybody applauded.
The president of Costa Rica stood up and said, “I think…” Everybody

applauded.

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for

drink
orders.

The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed
before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also

like
drink.
The minister replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be savagely raped

by
a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!”

The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was a choice…”