JokesArcade

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.

He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?“

So the guy tells him: “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I‘d like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I‘d like a picket to Tittsburgh.“ “She socked me one.“

The first guy responded, “Mine was a tongue twister too.“ “I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.‘‘

A maid asked the lady of the house for a pay increase.
Her boss was annoyed at this and asked, “Now Maria, why do you deserve a pay increase?“
Maria: “Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The…

blonde:5What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?

They’re both empty from the neck up.

There was an apartment building with three floors on the first floor there was a gay guy eating dozens of pickles on the second floor there was a guy painting his walls green and on the third floor there was two guys naked have a sword fight one day while the two naked guys were having a sword fight naked, one guy accidentally chopped the other guys penis off which fell to the second floor in the green paint which rolled onto the first floor and into the gay guys pickles jar the gay guy picked it out and took a bite and said that’s the best pickle I ever tasted.

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
“Tiny” replies the man.
“Why’s that?” asks the bartender.
“Because he’s my newt!”

I was about to bone my girlfriend and then she saw bigfoot and i told her she didnt see it and then the mosquitos got bad and she said theres no way

So the other day I bought a pocket rocket for my 8 year old son, man those things are cool. Before long I found myself “test riding” it to make sure it’s safe for him… though I was actually enjoying myself. I found myself wondering if anybody jumped these things… and thanks to Youtube we found a few pocket rocket jumps that didn’t go quite as planned. Funny!

Ok, so this kid “Troy” hits a ramp in his front yard. Looks like he’s going pretty fast… LEAN BACK! Lol.

My knees hurt just watching this…
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And for the finali… (this is a good one)
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Any of our readers ever ride these things? I seriously was suprised at how cool things there were. Too bad these things weren’t around when I was growing up… I feel like I was deprived of some sort of childhood privelage. It was just me and the pedals back then.

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.

They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!“

I was a big fan of the Simpson’s, can you believe how long the show has been around? Everyone has their favorite characters, but mine is definately Homer. This guy says the funniest (and often completely true) things. Here is…

So there‘s these 2 muffins in an oven.

They‘re both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells “God Damn, it‘s hot in here!“

And the other muffin replies “Holy Crap, a talking muffin!“