JokesArcade

blonde:4Why did the blonde climb over a glass wall?

To see what was on the other side.

A man walks into a doctors office one day, completely naked, and covered in saran wrap. He goes to the doctor, and the doctor does some tests, and hours later, he tells the man, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

Q: What should you give an elf who wants to be taller?
A: Elf raising flour.

There where three guys called::: Shit” Fuckoff and Manners.

they where all about to cross a road. when suddenly…Shit got run over by a car.

so Fuckoff went to a police station near by to get help.

so Fuckoff rushed in the police station and said: Help! Help! My Freind Just
Got Ran Over By A Car!

POLICEMAN: Ok I Would Like To Know Your Name First.

FUCKOFF: My Name Is Fuckoff.

POLICEMAN: Pardon???

FUCKOFF: My Name Is Fuckoff!!!

POLICEMAN: Wheres Your Manners?

FUCKOFF: He’s Out Side Picking Shit Off The Floor.

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for Roscoe, our hunting dog, and was standing in line at Wal-Mart getting ready to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. First thing I thought was “where’s your sign lady” but decided to go with it…SO…On impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Weight Loss Diet again.

I said I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital the last time. But that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is; you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, and that the food is nutritionally complete… so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story to say the least.

Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

She got upset. Made a complaint. WAL-MART asked me not to shop there anymore. It was worth it.