Happy Christmas to all. As we all know on 25th December Christianity commemorate the birth of Jesus. Our team has collected a huge collection of Christmas Jokes for our valuable users to keep them smiling on this great occassion, You can use these Jokes as Christmas SMS also to wish your loved once via text messages. Enjoy your stay here and have fun!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down for a couple of beers.
A few minutes later, a lanky, bow-legged cowboy walked in and said,
“Who owns the big white horse outside?”
“I do”, the Lone Ranger replied. “Why?”
The cowboy drawled, “You better take care of him. He¹s almost dead from the
heat.”
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and found Silver leaning against the
hitching post, panting. They got him some water and soon Silver was looking
better, but he was still panting.
The Lone Ranger said, “Tonto, run around Silver as fast as you can and see if the
breeze makes him feel any better.
Tonto replied, “Sure, Kemosabe,” and began running around and around Silver.
The Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his beer.
A few minutes later, another cowboy came into the bar and drawled, “Who owns
that big white horse outside?”
“I do,” the Lone Ranger said, “What’s wrong with him this time?”
“Nothin’,” the cowboy said, “But you left your Injun runnin’.”
Santa Singh and Banta singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny
walker when Banta singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner.
As he was getting up to talk to her. Bar Tender said “Hey don’t worry about her,
She is lesbian! “. Banta singh “Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them” Then
leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said “Where exactly in Lesbia, you from?”
Hank Smith gets home from work one day and finds his wife has been crying. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
“John, promise you won’t get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I’ve got a pretty pussy.”
“WHAT?” he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard and storms down to the doctor’s office and through the reception area.
Without knocking he bursts into the doctor’s office. The doctor is in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, “You flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty pussy!”
The doctor replies, “I’m sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina.”
Doctor pathan K Pichay Bhag Raha Tha
Logon N Pocha;
Kya Hua?
Doctr:4 Bar Aisa Hua
Sala Dimaagh K Opration K Bahaney Aata hy
or
TIND Kerwa K Bhag Jata hai.
“Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.”
“Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?”
“Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.”
Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!
Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil �till I get there
Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a bell?
Take these and if it doesn’t help give me a ring!
Doctor, Doctor I think I’m suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn’t I see you yesterday?
Doctor, Doctor I’ve got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes – here’s a kite!
Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
“But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked.
He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write “spaghetti” on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by, and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and said, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.”
The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti – Two with sausage and meatballs; two without.”
SANTA SINGH GETS HOME EARLY
FROM WORK AND HEARS STRANGE
NOISES COMING
FROM THE BEDROOM. HE RUSHES
UPSTAIRS TO FIND HIS WIFE NAKED
ON THE BED,
SWEATING AND PANTING.
“WHAT’S UP?” HE SAYS: “I’M HAVING
A HEART ATTACK,” CRIES THE
WOMAN.
HE RUSHES DOWNSTAIRS TO
GRAB THE PHONE, BUT JUST AS
HE’S DIALING, HIS
4-YEAR-OLD SON COMES UP AND
SAYS “DADDY! DADDY! UNCLE
BANTA IS HIDING IN
YOUR CLOSET AND HE’S GOT NO
CLOTHES ON!”
SANTA SLAMS THE PHONE DOWN
AND STORMS UPSTAIRS INTO THE
BEDROOM, PAST HIS SCREAMING
WIFE, AND RIPS OPEN THE
WARDROBE DOOR. SURE ENOUGH,
THERE IS HIS BROTHER, TOTALLY
NAKED, COWERING ON THE
CLOSET FLOOR.
“YOU IDIOT!” SAYS THE
HUSBAND: “MY WIFE’S HAVING A
HEART ATTACK AND YOU’RE
RUNNING AROUND NAKED
SCARING THE KIDS!”
Did you hear about the Mexican who threw his wife over a cliff?
When the police officer asked him why he’d done it he said, “Tequila! Tequila!”
Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from
a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one
of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie
would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the
castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated
that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, “Make the
entire ocean into beer!”
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on
the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going idiot! Now
we’re going to have to piss in the boat.”