Happy Christmas to all. As we all know on 25th December Christianity commemorate the birth of Jesus. Our team has collected a huge collection of Christmas Jokes for our valuable users to keep them smiling on this great occassion, You can use these Jokes as Christmas SMS also to wish your loved once via text messages. Enjoy your stay here and have fun!
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive
woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a
moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No,” he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
“It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,” he explains.
“What’s it telling you now?” she asked.
“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties,” he said.
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken then because I am
wearing panties!”
The man explains, “Damn thing must be an hour fast.”
Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France. Before it’s construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh’s tender at it’s very lowest. Other tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds. Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said,”look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel.” The dumbstruck officer asked with courage,” and if you don’t meet?” Banta Singh replied,” then you will get two tunnels in same cost.”
One day a sardarji was sitting in his
office on the
thirteenth floor building when a man
came running in
to his office and shouted “Santa Singh
your daughter Preeto just died in an
accident!”
Sardarji was in
panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped
from his office window.
While coming down when he was
near the tenth
floor he remembered he didn’t have a
daughter named
Preeto.
When he was near the fifth floor he
remembered
he was not married.
When he was about to hit the ground
he remembered he was not Santa
Singh.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut-butter
What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
Cuatro Cinco.
The term “Reality T.V.” was invented when people realized Chuck Norris movies were really Michael Moore Documentaries.
Did you hear about the winner of the Mexican beauty contest?
Me neither.
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up
to him and asked the man for two dollars.
The man asked, “Will you buy booze?”
The bum replied, “No.”
Then the man asked, “Will you gamble it away?”
The bum said, “No.”
Then the man asked the bum, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see
what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
There’s this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like
that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from
the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: “Come on man, I was just
joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t see a man crying.” “No, it’s not
that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an
important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to my
car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a
cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found
that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed
with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about
putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison .
What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party?
A: They’re both out looking for a tight seal.