Its All About Jokes

Gym

man,hikingA woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Hunting flies,” He responded.

“Oh, killing any?” She asked.

“Yep, three males, two females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, “Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.”

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he

decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone and he explains all the features on the

phone.

The next day, the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it’s her husband:

“Hi honey”, he says “how do you like your new phone?”

And she replies:

“I just love it, it’s so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there’s one thing I don’t understand though”.

“What’s that, baby?,” asks the husband.

“How did you know I was at Wal Mart?”

businessmanA young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished

with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the

businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around

and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

There’s a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was
driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who’s driving from McGwire in
South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets.

In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other and all cars go
flying off in different directions. The squid manages to climb out of his car and survey the
damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, “Man, I am really lucky to be alive!” Likewise
the ARMY guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The Air Force guy just shakes
his head and says to himself, “I can’t believe I survived this wreck!”

The NAVY guy walks over to the ARMY and Air Force guys and says, “Hey guys, I think this is a
sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of
arch rivals.” The ARMY guy thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re absolutely right!
We should be friends.”

The Air Force guy says “Let me see what else survived this wreck.” So he pops open his trunk
and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.

He says to the NAVY and Army guys, “I think this is another sign from God that we should toast
to our new found understanding and friendship.” The Swabbie says, “You’re right!” and he grabs
the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly a third of the
bottle the Squid hands it to the ARMY guy and says, “Your turn! The ARMY guy sucks down a third
and hands the bottle back to the Air Force guy.

The Air Force guy puts the cap back on the bottle and says, “I think I’ll wait for the cops to
show up.”

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was

walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die

you’ll come and dance on my grave.”

The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in

another line!”

One morning at a doctor’s clinic, a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him” OK, what happened to your back?”

The patient replies “You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, that’s how I strained my back”

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said “My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?”

He replied, “You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won’t believe it but I was hit by a fridge.”

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, “What the hell happened to youuuuuu…..?”

“Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor…….

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