Happy Christmas to all. As we all know on 25th December Christianity commemorate the birth of Jesus. Our team has collected a huge collection of Christmas Jokes for our valuable users to keep them smiling on this great occassion, You can use these Jokes as Christmas SMS also to wish your loved once via text messages. Enjoy your stay here and have fun!
Chuck Norris movies are real. This is why no actor in a Chuck Norris movie has ever won an Oscar.
Santa : Badda dukh hoya si teri wife di mout ki khabar sunker, wase hoya ki si?
two men
Banta : Goli lagi si matthe vich.
Santa : Shukar rabb da ankh bach gai.
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh’s frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa’s family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he’d worn the day Santa died. “You know,” he said, “Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven’t read it, but knowing Santa, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration there for us all.” He unfolded the note and read aloud, “You’re standing on my oxygen tube!”
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s in the bags?’
‘Sand,’ answered the Sardarji.
Iqbal says, ‘We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.’
Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, ‘What have you got?’ ‘Sand,’ says the Sardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji doesn’t show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’ in Islamabad.
‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about…I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?’
The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, ‘Bikes’
Why do Mexicans buy Cabbage Patch dolls?
Why do Mexicans buy Cabbage Patch dolls?
Because they come with birth certificates.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Doesn’t matter, they’re to short to reach the socket.
The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
“Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the
Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially
declaring war on you!”
“Well, Paddy,” Sarkozy replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your
army?”
“Right now,” says Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is meself, me
cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the
pub. That makes eight!”
Sarkozy paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army
waiting to move on my command.”
“Begoora!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. “Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We
have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be Paddy?” Sarkozy asks.
“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm tractor.”
Sarkozy sighs amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000
armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we
last spoke.”
“Saints preserve us!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. “Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We
have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin’s
ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the
Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!”
Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you,
Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are
surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke,
I have increased my army to 200,000!”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” says Paddy, “I will have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. “Top o’ the mornin’, Mr. Sarkozy! I
am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.”
“Really? I am sorry to hear that,” says Sarkozy. “Why the sudden change of
heart?”
“Well,” says Paddy, “we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we
decided there is no fookin’ way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.
Ek sahebji ghabraye hue aaye aur biwi se bole: “Begam, aaj main office se aa raha tha ki raste mein ek gadha…!”
Itne mein unki bachhi bol uthi: “Mummy, Shyam ne meri gudiya tod di hai.” Pati ne phir kehna shuru kiya “Haan toh begam, main keh raha tha ki raste mein ek gadha…..!”
Itne mein unka ladka bola: “Mummy, Rita ne meri car tod di hai.”
Biwi ghusse mein aakar boli: “Bhagwan ke liye tum sab chup ho jao, mujhe pehle gadhe ki baat sun lene do..!”
Teacher: what do you call a person who cannot hear anything?
Sardar: You can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything