Happy Christmas to all. As we all know on 25th December Christianity commemorate the birth of Jesus. Our team has collected a huge collection of Christmas Jokes for our valuable users to keep them smiling on this great occassion, You can use these Jokes as Christmas SMS also to wish your loved once via text messages. Enjoy your stay here and have fun!
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price. The motorcycle is missing a seal, though, so whenever it rains Steve has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Steve’s girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents one evening. He drives his new motorcycle to his girlfriend’s house.
She is waiting outside for him when he arrives. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word. Our family had a fight a while ago about doing the dinner dishes. We haven’t done any since… and the first person to speak at dinner has to do them.”
Steve sits down for dinner and soon notices that his girlfriend wasn’t exaggerating. It is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and nobody is saying a word. Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her onto the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her father is obviously livid, and her mother is horrified. Yet, when Steve and his girlfriend resume their placs at the dinner table, nobody says a word.
A few minutes later, Steve grabs his girlfriend’s mom, throws her onto the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her father is boiling, and her mother is a little more pleased. But still, there is complete silence at the table.
Suddenly, there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle outside and so he jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.
With a look of terror in his eyes, the girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and exclaims, "Okay, enough already, I’ll do the damn dishes!”
Q. Why doesnt mexico have a olympic team?
A. Because every mexican that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border!
Santa meets his friend Banta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B…!
Banta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!
Pati: mere marne ke baad, kyaa tum doosri shaadi karogi?
Patni: nahi. main apni behan ki saath rahungi. aap?
Pati: main bhi tumhaare behan ke saath rahunga
A sardar went to school and his teacher asked him what is the formalur of water…he said HIJKLMNO
Teacher: Wrong!
Sardar: But you told me it’s H2O!
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
BILL GATES . . . . . Better listen to what he has to say . . . To anyone with kids of any age, here’s some advice. Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. Love him or hate him, he sure hit the nail on the head with this!
Rule 1: Life is not fair – get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping – they called it “opportunity”.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.
This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.
If you agree, pass it on.
If you can read this – Thank a teacher!
If you receive this via an email and reading this on the computer – Thank Bill Gates.
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One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.
But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn’t care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.
Soon comes a little girl that asks “Sir, what’s under the newspaper?”
The man replies with “it’s a birdy and never ever touch it.”
He soon falls asleep.
Later on when he wakes up, he’s in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.
Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said “well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it’s neck, stepped on it’s eggs, and burned it’s nest.”
A Sardarji and an American are
seated next to each other on a flight
from Los Angeles to New York. The
American asks if he would like to play
a fun game. The Sardarji, tired, just
wants to take a nap, so he politely
declines and rolls over to the window
to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains
that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, “I ask you a question, and if
you don’t know the answer, you pay
me five dollars, and vice versa.” Again,
he declines and tries to get some
sleep.
The American, now agitated,
says, “Okay, if you don’t know the
answer, you pay me $5,and if I don’t
know the answer, I will pay you $500.”
This catches the Sardarji’s attention
and, figuring there will be no end to
this torment, agrees to the game. The
American asks the first
question: “What’s the distance from
the earth to the moon?” The Sardarji
doesn’t say a word, reaches into his
wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands
it to the American.
“Okay,” says the American, “your turn”.
He asks, “What goes up a hill with
three legs and comes down with four
legs?” The American, puzzled, takes
out his laptop computer & searches
all his preferences……..no answer. He
taps into the air phone with his
modem and searches the Internet and
the Library of Congress… no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his
friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji
and hands him $500. The Sardarji
thanks him and turns back to get
some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a
little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and
asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches
into his purse,hands the american
$5,and goes back to sleep.