Happy Christmas to all. As we all know on 25th December Christianity commemorate the birth of Jesus. Our team has collected a huge collection of Christmas Jokes for our valuable users to keep them smiling on this great occassion, You can use these Jokes as Christmas SMS also to wish your loved once via text messages. Enjoy your stay here and have fun!
Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next.
Finally a friend asked him, “What’s the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can’t you find anyone who suits you?”
“No,” Manny replied. “I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them. So I keep on looking!”
“Listen,” his friend suggested, “Why don’t you find a girl who’s just like your dear ole Mother?”
Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again.
“So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet? One that’s just like your Mother?”
Manny shrugged his shoulders, “Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends.”
“Excellent!!! So, are you and this girl engaged, yet?”
“I’m afraid not. My Father can’t stand her!”
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go on our anniversary?”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”
I told her, “How about the kitchen?”
A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he’s going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.
“My darling,” he writes, “it looks like we’re going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and we’re constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation’s terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them.”
His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, “Why don’t you learn to play this?”
Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife. “Darling” he says, “I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!”
But she stops him with a wave of her hand. “First, let’s see how well you play that harmonica.”
Wife sits for 4hours looking at her marriage cerftificate.
Husband asks “what are u doing?”
She replies: “I’m looking for the fuckin expiry date!!!!!!!
couple,lovingHow can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
One of my daughter’s wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. “Get the owner’s manual!” her husband shouted.
“I can’t find it anywhere!” she cried, searching through the box.
“Oops!” came a voice from the kitchen. “Well, the toast is fine, but the owner’s manual is burnt to a crisp.”
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
A wife wakes up of the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. Checking around the house, she hears sounds from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she finds her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” she asks, worried about what could hurt him so much.
“Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant, and your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?”
“Yes, of course,” she replies.
“Well, I would have been released tonight.”
Doctor: Do you watch your husbands face while making love?
Lady: I did once & saw anger.
Doctor: why?
Lady: Because he was watching from the window
couple,walkingWhy are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage?
They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.