Happy Christmas to all. As we all know on 25th December Christianity commemorate the birth of Jesus. Our team has collected a huge collection of Christmas Jokes for our valuable users to keep them smiling on this great occassion, You can use these Jokes as Christmas SMS also to wish your loved once via text messages. Enjoy your stay here and have fun!
A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing “wedding.” The wedding vows went like this:
“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”
A young son asked,
‘Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?’
Dad replied, ‘That happens in every country, son.’
Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, “What do you want on your back for your whipping?”
The German responds, “I will take oil!” So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, “What do you want on your back?”
“I will take nothing!” says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.
“What will you take on your back?” the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, “I’ll take the Mexican.”
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
“Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He asks, “And what are those?”
The Aussie, fed up with the Texan’s bragging replies with an incredulous look,
“What, don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
• Are you harboring a fugitive?
Hu Yu Hai Ding?
• Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni
• Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan?
• I bumped into a coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Ni
• Has your flight been delayed?
Hao Long Wei Ting?
• An unauthorized execution
Lin Ching
• I thought you were on a diet
Wai Yu Mun Ching?
• He’s cleaning his automobile
Wa Shing Ka
• I think you need a facelift
Chin Tu Fat
Q: How do you get a Frenchman out of a bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.
You know you‘re Italian when
You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.
You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can‘t fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2…
Leroy is given a homework assignment. Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper. He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in sentences.
Here’s what he handed in:
HONOR ROLL – We was playin poker on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL.
PLANET – I got me some seed to grow weed, so I PLANET in the backyard.
DISMAY – I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a big needle. He said, “DISMAY hurt a little.”
OMELETTE – Every time I start a new job, OMELETTE go after a week.
STAIRWAY – When me and my homies get high, we STAIRWAY into space.
MOBILE – I went to buy crack, I was short on cash, my man said, “Gimme one MOBILE.”
DEFENSE – I ran from the cops, and hopped DEFENSE and got away.
AFRO – I got so mad at my girly, AFRO a lamp at her.
AFTERMATH – I like to be high in school, so AFTERMATH I go to the field and smoke weed.
LOCKET – I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET.
DOMINEERING – My girly’s birthday was yesterday, I got her a DOMINEERING.
KENYA – I needed change fo the subway, so I axe a stranger KENYA spare some change.
DERANGE – DERANGE is where da deer and antelope play.
DATA – At my basketball game, I scored thirty points. My coach said, “DATA boy!”
COPULATE – I called 911 and an hour later when they show up, I said, “COPULATE!”
FASCINATE – My girly’s boobs are so big. Her shirt has ten buttons, she can only FASCINATE!
BEWARE – I asked the man at the unemployment office, “Is this BEWARE I get a job?”
COATROOM – The judge said, “One more outburst like that, and you’ll be thrown out the COATROOM.”
DECIDE – I like Wanda and Yolanda, but I like to have a couple of babes on DECIDE.
• I thought Graceland was tacky.
• No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe.
• Do you think my hair is too big?
• Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
• The tires on that truck are too big.
• I’ve got it all on a floppy disk.
• Do you think this ball cap goes with this shirt?
• Damned if that polititian ain’t honest!
• We’re vegetarians.
• I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
• You can’t feed that to the dog.
• Trim the fat off that steak.
• I just love the Opera
• Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
• Wrasslin’s fake.
Q. What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
A. Gratitude