Happy Christmas to all. As we all know on 25th December Christianity commemorate the birth of Jesus. Our team has collected a huge collection of Christmas Jokes for our valuable users to keep them smiling on this great occassion, You can use these Jokes as Christmas SMS also to wish your loved once via text messages. Enjoy your stay here and have fun!
Two men are at a bar talking about how dumb their wives are. One man says to the other,”my wife
is so dumb. She went out and bought a car yesterday. She doesnt even know how to drive!”” The
other man says to the other
Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub drinking a few beers.
So, Thomas O’Ryan said to Liam Halloren, “Liam, me buddy, me ol’ pal. When I die
would you please pour a couple of beers o’er me grave?”
Liam said, “Why certainly, but could I pour it through me bladder first?”
A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
My dad was a great magician. He was walking down the street the other day and
turned into a bar.
Everybody in church was heading to the river cause little Johnny was going to be baptised. So the
preacher takes little Johnny and says to him ” hold you’re nose and down we go””
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Doesn’t matter, they’re to short to reach the socket.
How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty One. One to hold the bulb and twenty to drink until the room spins.
This really drunk guy walks up to a parking meter and puts in a quarter. He stares at the needle
that has stopped at 60 and exclaims, “I can’t believe I lost 100 pounds!”
What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot?
Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
Two blondes walk into the bar….You’d think one of them would of seen it!
What would you call a drunk who works at an upholstery shop?
A recovering alcoholic.
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay
motionless on the floor. “One thing about Jim,” his buddy said to the bartender, “He knows when
to stop.”
A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. “What can I get you?” asked the bartender. “Anything
but a Canadian Club” replied the seal.
A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Get outta here! We don’t serve your type.
This is a singles bar.”
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for
the road.”
There was a guy who had at least 4-5 drinks of whiskey every day of his adult life. When he died,
they cremated him, and it took two days to put out the fire!
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.
Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing.
One: “Whew, it’s windy today!”
Two: “No. Today’s Thursday!”
Three: “So am I! Let’s go to a bar!
Some ladies, who were determined to put an end to drinking in their colony, went to the house of
a retired Army Officer one evening.
“When did you last have a drink?” they asked
“1945? replied the officer.
“That is very good!” remarked the ladies very happily. “So you are a teetotaler now?”
“I wouldn’t call it exactly that,” replied the officer, looking at his watch. “You see it is only
2015 now.”
Some ladies, who were determined to put an end to drinking in their colony, went to the house of
a retired Army Officer one evening.
“When did you last have a drink?” they asked
“1945? replied the officer.
“That is very good!” remarked the ladies very happily. “So you are a teetotaler now?”
“I wouldn’t call it exactly that,” replied the officer, looking at his watch. “You see it is only
2015 now.”
A guy goes into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks what he will have and the guy says he
will have a beer AND a shot. “Big night?” asked the barkeep. “I’ll say. I just had my first
blowjob tonight!” The bartender says “That’s great! These drinks will be on the house!” As he
puts them down, the guys says “Thanks! These should help get the taste out of my mouth
Mother potato told her three children it was time to get married . So the next day she asked them who they planned to get married to, the first one replied : the prince of potato’s.”splendid said the mother.The third one said she’d get married to King Tator
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on
the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch.
Curious, the seaman asks “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?”
The pirate replies “I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men
were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off”.
“Wow!” said the seaman. “What about the hook”?
“Well…”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling
the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off.”
“Incredible!” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eye patch”?
“A seagull dropping fell into my eye”, replied the pirate.
“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked.
“Well…” said the pirate, “That was my first day with the hook.”