Happy Christmas to all. As we all know on 25th December Christianity commemorate the birth of Jesus. Our team has collected a huge collection of Christmas Jokes for our valuable users to keep them smiling on this great occassion, You can use these Jokes as Christmas SMS also to wish your loved once via text messages. Enjoy your stay here and have fun!
Doctor: is dawaa ko ek hafte main poora karo aur baad main aake milo.
Patient: teek hai doctor
(ek hafte ke baad)
Doctor: dawaa khatam huaa kya?
Patient: nahi doctor.
Doctor: kyu nahi?
Patient: usme likhaa thaa ke, bottle ko hamesha bandh rakhe
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him,
“ Are you relaxing“ Sardar answered ‘“ No I am Banta Singh“ Another Guy Came
and asked the same Question. Sardar answered “ No…
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it. Wife observes the whole episode. Again he comes and does the same stuff.
kitchen
Wife askes : Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies : Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch.
The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp. “Wow”, says the bartender, “Something bad must have happened.”
“Yeah it did,” he said. “I came home early today, went up to the bedroom, and found my wife having sex with my best friend.”
The bartender pours the guy another triple shot. “This one’s on the house”. The dude gulps it down once again. The bartender asks “Did you say anything to your wife?
The guy answers “Yea, I walked up to her, told her to pack her bags and get out!”
“What about your friend?” asks the bartender.
“I looked him straight in the eye and said BAD DOG.”
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
Sid and Mundo were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. “Sid,” asked Mundo, “Are there any Jews in Mexico?”
I don’t know,” Mundo replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”
When the waiter came by, Mundo asked him, “Are there any Mexican Jews?”
“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No Mexican Jews.”
“Are you sure?” Mundo asked.
“I will check again, sir.” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere.”
When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Mexican Jews.”
“Are you really sure?” Mundo asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews.”
“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews, and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!”
The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
“Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”
“Well, Paddy,” Sarkozy replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”
“Right now,” says Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!”
Sarkozy paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.”
“Begoora!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. “Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be Paddy?” Sarkozy asks.
“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm tractor.”
Sarkozy sighs amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.”
“Saints preserve us!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. “Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!”
Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” says Paddy, “I will have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. “Top o’ the mornin’, Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.”
“Really? I am sorry to hear that,” says Sarkozy. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
“Well,” says Paddy, “we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no fookin’ way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.
Three pieces of string walked into a bar. The first piece of string went up to the bar and asked the barman “Can i have three pints of beer please?”” The barman replied “”No sorry mate