Happy Christmas to all. As we all know on 25th December Christianity commemorate the birth of Jesus. Our team has collected a huge collection of Christmas Jokes for our valuable users to keep them smiling on this great occassion, You can use these Jokes as Christmas SMS also to wish your loved once via text messages. Enjoy your stay here and have fun!
policeman,shieldWhat not to say to the nice policeman:
Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald’s?
A man walks into a bar after a hellish day of work not noticing it was a gay bar. So when he walks over to order his drink, a gay meets him and said” Have you ever played bar football?” The man never heard such a thing and wanted to know how to play. The gay replied,” Its very easy. All you have to do is down a pitcher of beer and fart right after. Downing the beer is a touchdown and the fart is the field goal.” The man was thinking it through and thought that something might go right for a change. So the gay started the game by downing the beer and farting. He then said,” Now that is seven points. Now you try.” The man down the beer and when he lend over to fart, right then the gay put his finger up the man’s ass and stated,” Now that is how you block a field goal!”
Q: What carries round a sack and bites people?
A: Santa Jaws
There was a man who was obsessed with the colour red
One day he decided to paint himself red so he did and he also painted his house red
One day he was taking a shower and the blind man from across the road knocked on his door
So the red man put his towel on and went downstairs to answer it
The blind man said “it’s a miracle, i’ve got my sight back.”
As he said that the red mans towel dropped. The blind man was so shocked he ran across the road and got hit by a bus.
So the morale of the story is don’t cross the road while the red man is flashing
Cindy McCain was in her front yard watering her roses when John McCain came out of the house and rushed straight to the mailbox, opened it, looked in,then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
As Cindy was getting ready to prune the roses, John came back out to the mailbox, opened it, felt all the way to the back,and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her husband’s actions Cindy asked him, “Is something wrong honey?”
To which he replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.
He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?“
So the guy tells him: “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I‘d like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I‘d like a picket to Tittsburgh.“ “She socked me one.“
The first guy responded, “Mine was a tongue twister too.“ “I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.‘‘
A maid asked the lady of the house for a pay increase.
Her boss was annoyed at this and asked, “Now Maria, why do you deserve a pay increase?“
Maria: “Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The…
blonde:5What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up.
There was an apartment building with three floors on the first floor there was a gay guy eating dozens of pickles on the second floor there was a guy painting his walls green and on the third floor there was two guys naked have a sword fight one day while the two naked guys were having a sword fight naked, one guy accidentally chopped the other guys penis off which fell to the second floor in the green paint which rolled onto the first floor and into the gay guys pickles jar the gay guy picked it out and took a bite and said that’s the best pickle I ever tasted.
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
“Tiny” replies the man.
“Why’s that?” asks the bartender.
“Because he’s my newt!”