sensible of the United States
We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone
get
along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep
our
nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of
debt-free
liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby
try one
more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the
terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie,
pinko
bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people
were
confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill
of No
Rights.
You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any
other
form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
guaranteeing
anything.
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based
on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just you! You may
leave
the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the
world
is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver
in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool
manufacturer
to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy.
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the
most
charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need,
but we
are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation
of
professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation
of
another generation of professional couch potatoes.
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but
from
the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public
health care.
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you
kidnap,
rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the
rest of
us get together and kill you.
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob,
cheat,
or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be
surprised
if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you
still
won’t have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.
You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives
in
foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive
governments
and won’t lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you’d like.
However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to
spend
so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a
military
uniform and a funny hat.
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have
one,
and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to
take
advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training
laid
before you to make yourself useful.
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that
you
have the right to pursue happiness — which, by the way, is a lot
easier
if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by
those around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.